Solo Life is Rebellion
Welcome to Unlonely World.
When is the last time you went out to eat at a restaurant?
Now, when is the last time you ate out by yourself?
For most people, the answer to the first question is an easy one - maybe you went out on a recent Friday night with friends, or took your family to lunch last weekend. But the second question often begets a look of confusion. Out to eat? Alone?
While around 37% of adults in the U.S. are single (meaning not married, living with a partner, or otherwise in a romantic relationship)1, the awe that I’ve received for doing what I’d consider normal activities alone over the years has come from both single and partnered folks alike.
Our society still upholds the value of marriage over other - solo - pursuits such as higher education, moving to a new city, starting a new job, or receiving a promotion. Indeed, I’ve done all of the above. When I graduated with my PhD, I threw myself a small party with local friends from my PhD program, and some of my family flew in for my defense and dinner. None of these accomplishments triggered the expectation of a celebration in the same way that a wedding does2. (On top of that, plus-ones at weddings are almost exclusively reserved for romantic partners.)
So going out to eat alone - being seen in public, enjoying yourself, alone - is rebellion. I wasn’t surprised to see that a quick Google search for “eating out alone” pulls up articles on topics like tips for eating out alone and is eating out alone normal? and pros and cons of eating out alone. I was dismayed. It’s a shame that an activity as normal as eating has become a societal-imposed hurdle for single folks, not to mention partnered people who may want a quiet night alone or can’t convince their partner to try a new cuisine.
Eating out is my go-to example of a normal activity that shouldn’t be, but often feels like, a daunting experience to do alone. Of course, the same experience can be extrapolated to so many things - going on a hike, or to the farmer’s market, or on that international vacation you’ve always dreamed of. For some people, the choice is not whether to do the activity with a partner or alone, but whether to do it at all. I’ve been saddened when friends have told me they’ve passed up dream opportunities because they would have had to go alone - some examples being concerts, travel, and (yes) eating out. But I’ve also been inspired when they’ve told me that my very adventurous solo life has inspired them to do things on their own, too.
Welcome to Unlonely World. I’m excited to motivate you to take the reigns of your own life and have the experiences you want without worrying about what others think.
https://www.pewresearch.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/facts-single-americans-methodology.pdf
I love my married friends and celebrating their weddings! This is to say that there are other milestones that we can celebrate in grand fashion, too.